Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
