John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not ubering you a puppy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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