Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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