Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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