Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
