I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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