Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
