im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
