There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
