Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Houston, we have a squirter
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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