Say something about gay babies.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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