respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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