And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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