I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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