Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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