Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize