'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
