Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
