one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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