At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
