i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
