I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
