I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
