I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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