So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
