hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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