tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He passed out mid-signature
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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