grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
