i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
