Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
