It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
