I want to make a zoo with you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
