I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
