No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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