My underwear smells like fireworks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
