what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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