Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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