I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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