I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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