How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
