He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
