saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
