my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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