Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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