She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
