Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
