"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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