He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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