I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
