He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
