Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
