I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
