Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
