saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
