a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
