Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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