We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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