My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
