She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
