He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Randomize
