I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
