So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
