Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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