I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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