So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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