Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
