I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
