Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
