Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
